Last week I shared with you that I have been deeply impacted by the book The Beautiful Wife. It has truly been one of those books that when I see it just sitting on my end table, it brings a smile to my face. The freedom that I have received from that book pales in comparison to many other things.
One true revelation came forth after a morning of discord between Daddy Head and I. Looking back on that day, I can’t even remember what the problem was about. I just know something happened and I was angry.
I have learned in our 5 1/2 years of marriage that if I get to a place of extreme anger, it is due to the fact that I have been keeping hurts buried deep inside. So it came as no surprise to me when Daddy Head asked me, “Why do you always go to the place of anger? Why can’t you just do what the Bible says and not let the sun go down on your anger?”
And that morning, I told him the same thing I always do, “I don’t know…”
Later that afternoon, I was reading chapter four, Cultivating Mystique when Sandy Ralya shared how she always felt that she was only good enough until something better came along. She told a story from her childhood and how her best friend suddenly didn’t want to be friends anymore since the “cool crowd” took her into their group. This left her crushed and hurt.
It was at this moment when I had my epiphany. I suddenly was young and remembered many instances where I was taught that when an adult corrected you or hurt you, even if I felt they were wrong, it was never my place to tell them that. It was up to me to pray and let God show them.
That always left me feeling very: ANGRY!
See the same pattern?
I can honestly say that at that moment, I understood why I always had that anger pattern. When my husband or any other authority in my life did something to hurt me, instead of telling them like an adult woman should, I would just bottle it up inside and then eventually explode, mostly on my husband because he was the safe person to let it go on.
I felt like the Lord was showing me that I could break this cycle and pattern by enacting His Word in the situation and not letting the sun go down on my anger. I was free to tell those that hurt me how I was feeling and by doing that, I could keep from going to the anger.
I have had many opportunities over these past few weeks as we have dealt with sickness in our home to do this with Daddy Head and it has been truly freeing. I haven’t went through the anger cycle like I used to and when I feel myself getting ready to go there, I stop and analyze what I have been keeping hidden. I then calmly bring it to the light so that I can keep from being hurt and hurting others.
Things to ponder:
- Do you have a similar issue from your growing up years that causes you to have a repeat cycle on anger?
- Have you asked the Lord to show you the hidden things of your heart so that He can deal with them and make you into a more whole person?
- How do you best deal during sticky situations with your spouse or other authorities and are you open to letting Jesus show you how to best handle them?