On Insecurity

Time for one of those upfront and honest, in your face kind of posts.  I told to be become more prepared for them.

Yesterday, I had the awesome priviledge of ministering to one of my precious daughters in the Lord.  She has been a member of our youth group for longer than I remember and is having a bit of a struggle right now.  I had to give some correction, which I don’t really enjoy doing all that much.  I just don’t like to make people cry.

Afterwards, we sat down to talk with her mom a little bit and I did a little digging.  I needed to know what it was that I did that caused her to stop liking me and stop trusting me.  I know that being a leader automatically means people will not like you at times, but there was something wrong here.

After a time of honesty, there was some healing that came and we were on the right step again.

And that is when “it” happened.

I should have seen “it” coming.  You see, it wasn’t just that meeting with one of my dear ones that opened up the door to “it”.  “It” was destined to come because of an incredible lunch meeting I had with a soon to be moving friend and also for a great time of ministry during our youth group accountability meeting.  You would think I would have learned how to guard myself from “it” but I still have much to learn.

Insecurity is my envitable “it”.

When I take the time to step out and do a hard thing, I am almost always attacked afterward.  It came in the form of a hard phone call, hurtful words from loved ones and then a slight over look by someone to do the damage.  Ultimately though, it wasn’t these things that took me out.

It was flat out the fall of man and my own pride.

Wait?!  Insecurity is pride?

Yep.  Insecurity says, “What about me and my recognition?”  It says, “Hello!  You forgot about me!  I am important too!  I have feelings!  Don’t hurt me!”

But, I’m not a baby anymore.  I expect Banana to have this attitude because he is a baby.  He needs me.  But I need to grow up.

Yes, I was hurt.  Those feelings are real.  But it is how I respond to those feelings that matter.  I can be stuck in my own pity party all day or I can use it as a stepping stone to my next victory.

And this time, I’m going up!